How to Make Therapy Work for You
04/03/22
Laura Telford gives her thoughts on getting the most from your therapy…
🌱 Take that first step
Seeking therapy is not a sign of weakness. It is a courageous first step toward a path of self-care and self-love. The sooner you admit you can’t do it all on your own, the sooner you open yourself up to the possibility of support from others and the potential to create new ways forward. Making this initial decision alone can feel hugely empowering.
We all come to therapy for different reasons. The idea that only people with serious mental health issues or clinically-diagnosed disorders come for therapy is a myth. Yes, counselling and psychotherapy can and do help in these circumstances. But, the beauty of therapy is that it is open to everyone and anything you wish to bring.
🌱 Do your research
There are many so many different forms of psychotherapy on offer; it can seem like a minefield knowing what type to choose: person-centred, psychoanalytic, cognitive analytical, systemic, CBT … While some approaches lend themselves to particular purposes, the truth is that most therapies are equally effective at treating a broad range of psychological problems. The decision comes down to what you feel is the best fit for you at this time. Go online and get informed. If nothing else, it may provide you with some questions to ask when you contact a therapist.
🌱 Relationship is key
Your therapist will become one of the most trusted people in your world so it is important that you not only feel safe around them but that you feel like you can open up to them. If their mannerisms, tone of voice or general demeanour bother you, you are unlikely to warm to them. This doesn’t make you fussy. This is your time and your investment; you get to choose who you want to work with - so be picky! The relationship between you and your therapist is absolutely key. You deserve to work with someone who gets your goals, who can challenge you in ways that feel right for you and who can hear you in the way you need to be heard.
Take the time to chat to or meet with a therapist before committing to working with them. This is where a free initial consultation works well: it helps you to get a feeling for whether you might gel or not. Even after that point, if you have committed to a particular therapist and find it just isn’t working, make a change. The value of feeling at ease and secure in your therapist’s presence cannot be underestimated.
🌱 Be prepared to be vulnerable
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”
- Brené Brown, 2015
We often spend much of our lives putting on a mask, telling people we are fine when actually we aren’t or presenting our lives through a rose-coloured filter. Therapy is your time to let your guard down and have the courage to show up as you really are. Warts and all. Admittedly, this can be scary at first and may take some time getting used to. Knowing that you will be accepted completely and without judgement by this one person will help build a relationship with your therapist – and, in turn, with other people in your life. The openness that comes with vulnerability paves the way for experiencing our feelings more deeply and to understanding and working with our emotions. Through our willingness to be vulnerable in therapy, we can build our inner strength, grow in confidence and cultivate self-love.
🌱 Take time out
We all go to therapy to try to make things better. The reality is, though, that the path to that place can be difficult at times. Some days you will leave therapy feeling worse than when you went in and questioning why you would put yourself through that! This is normal and to be expected. You may begin to unearth some feelings or experiences that have been buried because they are painful. This is where it is important to acknowledge that your commitment to therapy does not end after your 50 minutes are up. Taking time to practise self-care after your sessions is just as important as the work you do when you are there. Come up with a routine that allows time for you to do something for yourself to allow you the space to sit with how you are feeling – or to detach from it and put it away until your next session. Choose something you enjoy like going for a walk, taking a bath, listening to music, whatever. I have a favourite coffee shop I go to: I sit down with a coffee and cake and I write. Other days, I might go for a run. Find whatever works for you and have it in your toolbox for those occasions when you need it – and even when you don’t!
Be kind to yourself.